Unwritten Cultural Rules (A Partial Compendium)

It seems like no matter how much history, political science or sociology you have studied before coming to a foreign country, the first few weeks and months are full of social faux pas. Here is a partial list of rules that I attempt to follow pretty religiously when in Moldova specifically, and the former Soviet Union in general.


1. No shoes in the house! BUT you are not allowed to be barefoot in the house. Get some slippers, or at least wear socks, you hippie.

2. Don't put your purse on the floor. All your money will fly out of it. Actually, what is really going to happen is that people are going to look at you like a crazy person and then repeat this superstition over and over again until you comply.

3. When you are a guest, bring a gift (hint: chocolate). I'm pretty strict on observing this one. I'd rather be late than come empty-handed. I actually get pretty annoyed at Americans when they forget this rule. This person has likely spent a good part of the day getting ready and making food so the least you can do is bring them something tasty.

4. Much as you might like to help your hostess wash up the dishes, they aren't going to let you so don't worry too much about it.

5. If you are a dude, it is comradely to sit in the front seat of the taxi and chat with your taxi driver (presumably about manly things). Women don't sit in the front seat of the taxi because we do not share universal bro-hood with the driver. This is why I always make guys sit in the front seat when taking taxis with groups, usually to their great consternation.

6. Speaking of gender roles, it is usually customary to walk the laydeez in your group home after hanging out in the evening. In some places (Moldova) this is not strictly necessary, but in other places (Armenia, sometimes Russia) it is. Much as I'd like to assert my woman-power, the fact of the matter is if I'm walking by myself after dark in Yerevan, everyone is staring at me, which is pretty freaky. To be honest, I avoided walking by myself at night in my Tempe neighborhood due to my lovely catcalling neighbors, so I think this has less to do with the prevalence of traditional gender roles in Eastern Europe and more to do with the fact that women in America can generally drive themselves home in their nice, safe cars.

7. People in power are definitely going to talk down to you. One of the perks of having a high position in the former Soviet Union is that you can lord it over everyone. For example, when I was first introduced to the upper echelons of the administration at Comrat State University as their new Fulbright English Teaching Assistant (read: free native speaker teacher), they immediately demanded my qualifications like I was some sort of bottom-of-the-barrel riff raff that America was trying to get rid of. Don't take it personally (and don't let it stop you from getting what you want).

8. No whistling in the house, even if you fancy yourself a champion whistler (like me).


I suppose everyone who has spent significant time in a foreign country has a similar list. The trick is to follow the rules enough in order to get by without completely quashing your free-spirited ways!