Trains!

Chisinau Train Station

While I wouldn’t describe taking a train in the former Soviet Union as a particularly luxurious experience, it does have a certain charm. The compartments are almost invariably creaky and old, but nevertheless fairly well-designed. Plus, there is something undeniably charming about the fact that the trains come equipped with water heaters especially for making tea. I find that the best music for watching fields fly by through the window is Akvarium’s Russian Album, which I would urge you to listen to on YouTube while reading this post to get the full effect. (Plus the lead singer's beard is epic.)

Sleeper trains in the former Soviet Union usually have three different kinds of wagons: coupé (купе), platzkart (плацкарт), and “sitting” (сидящий). The first one is a private compartment with bunks for four people. All my previous trips in the former Soviet Union were in coupé compartments. Your typical coupé is a somewhat spartan, but well-equipped. They are particularly excellent if you can buy up the whole compartment and then throw a party with your travel companions. I once had a particularly fun time in a coupé on a trip from Nizhny Novgorod to Kazan which involved an intoxicated recitation of “Kubla Khan” by Coleridge. However, if you can’t buy up the entire compartment, you are better off taking platzkart as you never know what creepers you might end up with.

Two of my travel companions in a coupé on the Nizhny Novgorod-Kazan train

Our coupé party feast

Platzkart from Odessa to Dnepropetrovsk

Since I was traveling alone in Ukraine, I decided to take platzkart. In a platzkart compartment there are sleeping berths, but the entire wagon is open. The main advantage of platzkart for the solo traveler is actually the lack of privacy. You’re unlikely to be bothered by anyone because the entire wagon is open and there are old ladies and family around to defend you. It is pretty weird that everyone sleeps in full view of everyone else. Walking down the wagon to the bathroom always involves dodging people’s feet hanging off the top bunks.

My friend Derek once suggested that in order to graduate with a degree in Russian, you should be required to travel platzkart across the former Soviet Union. It would definitely be a good way to test if you really know Russian, as you do certainly rub elbows with a broad range of people. (Or, as Derek called them, “гопники и быдло,” which roughly translates as “gangsters and the unwashed masses.”)

Guy selling salted fish to train passengers.
This is the sort of thing you only see here.

Platzkart is not exactly for those with delicate sensibilities. There are definitely moments when you look around and ask yourself questions like, “Is that family really going to drop trou right now in front of everyone?” (The answer is yes.) The trains aren’t air-conditioned, so men generally go shirtless, which means you get to check out a broad range of army/prison tats. Additionally, you have to make sure to avert your gaze if there are any libidinous couples sharing a bunk.

Sometimes you get the pleasant experience of talking to a babushka, which is always entertaining. On my way to Ukraine I had a top bunk, which meant it was rather hard to find a place to eat the snacks I brought with me. An old lady let me sit on her bunk. I tried to talk with her, but I think she was speaking in surzhyk (a combination of Russian and Ukrainian) because I couldn’t understand around a third of the words. (That or she just mumbled everything.) The one problem with being surrounded by old ladies, however, is that at night they saw logs like nobody’s business.

Occasionally you get a good chance to people-watch. I saw a mother-daughter pair play cards for hours, which made me wish I was traveling with my own mom, who once traveled with me in a coupé from Chisinau to Kiev. Instead I read Master and Margarita and Nabokov’s memoir Speak, Memory for hours. I’m convinced that with a fully-loaded Kindle and iPod, even the Trans-Siberian Railroad would pass in a wink.

Overall, going platzkart was a great way to cross the enormous football field that is Ukraine, certainly much better than a cramped bus. I’m a big fan of trains in general, and I try to take them whenever I can. For those interested in traveling by train anywhere in the world, I highly recommend the site The Man in Seat 61, which I depend on for all my train adventures.

Photo of me taken by my mother in a coupé from Chisinau to Kiev